I am so fucking tired. I’ve had two sodas and I still feel like I could crash. This weekend was both horrible and fantastic; I have my family to thank for the latter. I got to spend time with my mom and a couple of my sisters on Saturday and then the whole family on Sunday for Mother’s Day…I like being around them.
Lots of foreshadowing this weekend, my mind is never made up but sometimes it’s so blatantly obvious I feel like an idiot for not recognizing it. Every single time I’m back in deeper than before. I’m a bit reluctant and trying to make that plain, I won’t crumble at the thought anymore, I can’t allow it. It was said, it can’t be taken back and if nothing else, I’m glad that I know. I’m getting those heavy red bricks and a little batch of that grey stuff and I’m building a new wall in between us…enough was said that I feel justified in that. Why ask me if I’m ok? How will I ever be ok if this continues, if those sharp knives keep making an appearance? Either he’s really dumb or a master at work.
He hated my tears first, then you and now me.
Maybe Olive feels it too…she’s been sleeping under the computer desk, she doesn’t want to come out. She tolerates me when I pull her out to pet her and take her outside for some fresh air, then its right back under the desk. She is unhappy.
Too many dreary posts lately, maybe I shouldn’t write until things are better…
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