TAGGARRIIFFIICCCC!

May is taking her last breaths and I am enjoying every remant spring has to offer. The loverly el rondielle has tagged me in a blog game and I am thrilled!
Here are the questions she has asked me

1. Everyone resembles an animal to some extent. What animal do you resemble?

I am a feline all the way.

2. What is your favourite singing in the shower/car song?

This usually varies from day to day depending on my everchanging mood but the song i always fall back on is the cover of Feeling Good by My Brightest Diamond. She has the voice of a goddess. "its a new dawn, its a new day, its a new life for me and im feeling good"

3. If you had to choose, which artist would you commission to paint/draw/etch/sketch/construct a portrait of you?
I have a place in my heart of Salvador Dali. I'd like to know what he sees when he looks at me, maybe a tree growing from rough soil with branches bearing hearts a la Bjork? ahhh...i love him... and her for that matter.


4. If you were on death row, what would your last meal be?
Purrrfect question! I have discussed this very topic many times. We have a local family owned italian restauant called DiCicco's, they make the most wonderful cheese calzone. You may be saying to yourself, just a cheese calzone? But let me assure you my friend this is a little piece of deliciously cheesy heaven. What more in life do you need besides cheese? oh and chocolate...ok and love.

5. What was the first record/cd that you owned?
My first record was the Ghostbusters soundtrack. I used to dance around in the livingroom with my brother and sisters to all of those rad songs :) The music may not have stood the test of time but Ghostbusters is still one of my favorite movies to this day.

6. If you could have mind reading powers for the day, whose mind would you read?
Oh well my boyfriends of course! It would probably be a lot of  "i want to download this song" or "i want to buy this new videogame" but im dying to get a peek inside that head! I'd also like to dip into the minds of random co-workers, i would like to know what impression i give them. I'd like to know, in general, if other people are as crazy as i am. My mind moves a mile a minute, I analyze to a fault and I can be hard on myself...I want to know if other seemingly "normal" people have the same vices.

7. Which actor/actress would you choose to play you in the story of your life?

I would love to have Audrey Tautou star in the story of my life. I have been told that I resemble her and I'll take that compliment, she is so lovely.






8. What is your greatest talent?

I have a few hobbies/practices that i hold dear but my first love is sewing. I began creating my own clothes when i was in 10th grade, that is over 10years ago whew! I used to use my mom's old sewing machine. I'd visit the local fabric store and make very simple things like pencil skirts. I eventually moved up to a Babylock and I have my own little work station in our spare bedroom. Here are a few of my creations :)

I would like to invite The Body Electric, Perhaps Some Other Aeon, el rondielle, ecological storyteller and all those that find my questions interesting to please feel free to consider yourself tagged. I'd love to know every little thing about each of you!

Here are my questions:

1. If you could live one day in the shoes of someone close to you who would it be and why?

2. Which album has made the greatest impact on your life thus far?

3. If you could change one thing about your life, past/present what would it be?

4. What color are your toe nails today?

5. Do you believe UFOs are real?

6. Is there anything better than a dark, rainy day?

Cupcakes!

I love cupcakes. I discovered this about a year ago while watching Paula Deen make red velvet cupcakes with cream cheese frosting. I had to try it for myself and it was a complete success! I’ve been designated as the official cupcake maker in the family and I use every holiday or family event to try out something new. Now that Jay has completed schooling and found a great job, I can move forward with plans to attend a local culinary school and fulfill my dream of being a pastry chef. We have been discussing the idea of opening up a cupcake shop sometime in the next few years and I am finally beginning to see the actual possibility of this. I don’t know nearly enough but I have the talent and that’s a great place to start. Today I got the call i've been waiting for, a friend ordered 70 cupcakes for a surprise party. I'm so excited and nervous at the same time as this is my first real commission. Wish me luck!

Calm under the waves

I have the evening to myself, it's such a rare treat that I dont know what to do with myself...sew, read, yoga? Yes to all of the above! I've started off my windy solitude by stealing a few photos of my quiet apartment.

Cloudbusting

I’m starting this up again in hopes that it will spark some creativity within me. I feel so boring as of late and I haven’t done much to remedy the situation until now.  I think this is a good start.

Life has been moving along quite smoothly. While I do enjoy the little bubble Jay and I live in I feel the need to reconnect with more females in my age group, with my interests. Something is lost in not having those types of connections with other women. I think I sort of gave up on friends because I’ve been disappointed by them over the years. When I really think about it I’ve never had a loyal, trustworthy friend in my life. Jay is definitely my best friend and can be so many things to me…but a girl is definitely something he will never be. I’m starting another tribal belly dancing class this summer and I can hardly stand the wait! Dancing has always been so important to me and I just know that this will lighten my spirit.

There are so many changes coming our way in the next year or so. Everything was moving at a snails pace and now it’s like dominos falling. Next month we will be moving into our first home together, we’re going to rent my sister’s house while she and her husband are stationed in Alabama. We consider this a trial run; practice for our very own home which we will be buying after the year is up. Jay started a new job yesterday and with that comes the promise of a wedding and…drum roll please…..a baby! I’m so very excited for all our plans. Being a mother, preparing my body for this, preparing my mind for this is the most important thing to me right now. With that comes the need to resolve some important things from my past.

I am trying so desperately hard to stop with the self-mutilation. It is not extreme, there are no sharp objects involved but it is still a day to day struggle. From what I’ve read this is very common in children and adults that have been sexually abused. When I was younger I used to use pins or tacks to carve into my skin, I never thought anything of it until I spoke to Jay about this. It opened up my eyes. Now I just sort of pick at myself, any little imperfection…anywhere. It’s disgusting and im totally disgusted with myself but I feel a sort of freedom in admitting it to whomever is reading this. Doing it relieves anxiety in some strange way, I suffer a great deal from anxiety…I’ve never taken any meds for that. I just know I’d get addicted to them. I am improving. I don’t do it as much and when I notice myself doing it I try really hard to stop. I try to remind myself of how I feel afterward. As I type this I find myself pausing to scan my cuticles, doing what I’ve just told myself I wouldnt. It’s hard not to get down on myself, negative self-talk is my specialty. Jay reminds me all the time of how much faith he has in me and the changes I am making, he tells me I’m beautiful when I do want to look in the mirror. I am so grateful to have a man that loves me and supports me through everything, I feel like I am completely myself around him and I am never judged. I am so blessed to have him.

Wow, I didn’t plan on all of this but I’m glad to have a space to collect my thoughts and record them. I’m hoping to come back to this a year from now and mark all the changes I’ve made. Life can be difficult sometimes but I have found that if I just relax things seem to go easily…now if I can just learn to relax :)